I’m not sure what has happened to me. It’s like an extrovert has crawled into my head and made a nest there. If you had told me a year ago, I would be making videos of myself and posting them on youtube, then blogging about it, I would say you were out of your mind! But here I am with Vlog #4, and I haven’t died from it yet. I actually get a kick out of the whole process.
One of the gifts of getting older (if we can embrace it) is getting one’s priorities sorted out. The freedom I have felt in the process of surrendering self-consciousness is really worth every drop of potential embarrassment that putting myself on screen could generate. And I’ve come to see that self-consciousness is just as much an ego-trip as being full of one’s self! Its just the miserable end of that spectrum! So I’m seeking and finding the Middle Way, on this subject of self-exposure, as in so many other ways in my life.
This video #4 is about getting around RESISTANCE. The method I’m experimenting with here has to do with cutting the word “should” from my vocabulary! That may sound too simplistic to be effective, but I’ve been doing this for several weeks now, and I have to say there is something to it. “Should” is a FLOW-STOPPER! It has both desire and aversion all wrapped up in one word! The minute I say I should do anything, the chances of actually doing that thing drop to almost 0. The resistance slips in under the radar and stops me dead cold.
But by replacing “should” with “want” I have discovered that resistance has to make itself known, and it has to stand alone. I WANT to be brave enough to make these videos! I WANT to BE the change, not just wish for it, with regard to overcoming ageism and perfectionism and engaging a healthy ego in service to my creative spirit! I WANT these things, despite my resistance, which shows up in so many mean whispers in the ear, all basically boiling down to, “Who do you think you are?”
But as I say in the video…when we replace “I should” with “I want, despite my resistance,” we align ourselves with the “want,” and our oppositional alter-ego is moved to the other side of the room! We may still give in to it, but a habitual neuropathway is nevertheless being broken, and we stand a much better fighting chance in our next encounter. So that is my practice… in making these videos, in getting more exercise, in cutting back the carbs, in leaning in to vulnerability. I’m wanting these things, despite my resistance, and I’m thrilled to report that I’m actually having some victories over that sneaky, life-sucking voice! 😉
So next time you find yourself saying, “I should….” try replacing it with “I want,” and see if you can move resistance farther and farther away from your ear. Give it a try and get back to me!